Princess,School starts this week. For seven years it's been the same. Standing outside, watching for that familiar yellow bus to come lumbering up our hill. Then, when the weather turned colder, and the sun came up later, sitting at the living room window, watching for those familiar yellow lights flashing at the bottom of the street.
That familiar call:
Me: "Bus is at Kathy's!"
Seconds later: "Bye, Mom!" Front door slam. You standing at the end of the driveway, as I watched from the window. Boarding the bus, a familiar wave, and then you'd be gone for another day.
Not this year.
This year you start middle school. The bus will no longer stop at our driveway. You can go to the stop at the bottom of our hill, or meet the bus around the corner. But I won't see you get on the bus. No familiar wave, no brief flash of a smile as the bus pulls away.
No daily reassurance that you're safe.
We live in a safe neighborhood. There will be other kids waiting with you. And when the weather turns colder and the sun rises later, we may make other arrangements. But for now, you'll be leaving me every morning, and the most I can hope for is a wave before you turn the corner.
My head knows you'll be fine. But my heart is having a tough time letting go. Which is why I'm up at 2 am two days before school starts, wondering, worrying.
Knowing that each morning, watching you leave will be a tiny leap of faith.
6 comments:
Uggg - just ugggg. The only thing I can say is Jack Daniels?
Ohh, I am getting a bit teary eyed just thinking about it. Today I had to go into work to start to get ready for the new school year and my two year old asked if we could stay and play broke my heart. It is hard to remember that sometimes the best thing a mommy can do it to let go. Doesn't make it easier though!
Oh my gosh, we are soul mates...ha, ha (I felt as though I just wrote that post!)
Slipping through my fingers...is a great song! I saw the broadway version of Mamma Mia, (which by the way, the music is 100 times better, if you are thinking of getting the CD...no offense, Meryl!) I've decided to use that song for my daughters' high school graduation DVD..(I did one for the other two!) It's a perfect song, and it seems that time is just slipping away...
Sharon - I do have the Broadway version, and I've been crying to this song since 2004 (sad, isn't it?). I found another version on YouTube that just showed the lyrics, but the last phrase was cut off abruptly, so you lose the poignancy of the final part of the song.
I do the ugly cry to this song all the time. You think I'm a mess now? Wait until their weddings - lol!
Every morning, I watch my own middle school-age son head down the street, where he crosses and then begins the rest of his trek to school. Last year, after years on the bus, he begged us to let him walk. I had a panic attack at the thought, even though we have a safe neighborhood, too. I am sure my feelings were rooted in the fact that, with his way, I wasn't getting the closure of seeing him get on the bus and go. Every school day, we wave back and forth until I can't see him, then I come back inside and I say a little prayer that he has a safe trip and a good day. I pretty much think those are the primary things I'm going to want for him the rest of his life.
Who knew growing up was harder on the parents? Sob!
Post a Comment